Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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