with your own penis?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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