I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
