dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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