She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
