god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
