Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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