After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
