he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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