By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
