She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
