tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've blown a few things in my day
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
