Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
