I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
