I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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