Apparently you make a good broom.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
