Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
