I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
