Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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