Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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