U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
