R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
