She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
its liver damage thursday
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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