this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
