My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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