LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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