So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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