At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
