i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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