I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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