I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
