So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
