Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
