I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
