"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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