Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
