I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
please come you make the beer taste better
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
