I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
