Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
