so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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