That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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