he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
