She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
