i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can you repeat that, but with context?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
