If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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