That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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