It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
