Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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