I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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