Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
