Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
